44 Ways To Ring In 2014
Happy 2014 ModiFamily! How about that New Years Party?
We totally feel you: Ours was packed/empty/raging/boring/busted by the cops, too. But that’s all over with. 2014 is upon us! And now that it is, has anyone else noticed that 2014 has been weird? Like the University-of-Central-Florida-winning-the-Fiesta-Bowl-Weird?
Yes. Yes it is.
(Unless you are a fan of the Knights, an alumnus of the Orlando-based university or are a parent of Blake Bortles, you should answer yes to that question. Side note on a related subject: Did you know that UCF is the nation’s second largest university, with an enrollment of 58,698? We didn’t either. But we’re glad to supply you with your first Odd Fact of 2014.)
But after wrestling with the concept of another year for a full 48 hours, we’ve decided that 2014 is officially a good idea. And because we wrestled with the concept for a full 48 hours, we’re also assuming that you were too partied out to do the same.
And considering that 2014 is here and it’s not going anywhere — save a bizarre set of circumstances that culminate with us stumbling across a DeLorean DMC-12 with time travel capabilities — we wanted to make the 13-to-14 transition as easy as possible.
It took us a moment. We were all, “What could the people of 2014 use?” To which our internal conversational partner (ICP) responded, “A tablet!” We were all, “Nah. Tablets were so 2013. We need something new, yet something old. Something to ring in the New Year, while still reminding us of Old Years. Something classic but not dated. Something very much like our watch catalog: Classic-while-flashy, simple-while-exciting.” Our ICP was like, “Duh. Let’s help them with the area of self-improvement that never lasts until February: Their New Years Resolutions.” So we were like, “That’s a pretty good idea. How do we address everyone though?” And that’s when our ICP said, “How about you just make it a general set of guidelines? That way, it’s applicable to everyone. And how about you make it long, but not too long. Like 44 ways to ring in 2014? In honor of Hank Aaron of course, because, well for no reason. 2014 seems random. Let’s just honor people.”
Done and done. Without further ado, your General, Universal, Totally-Non-Specific 2014 New Years Resolution List, Numbered to 44:
(Note: You don’t have to complete all of these to achieve self-improvement. Just some of them. And if you are only choosing to abide by five or less, try to choose the one’s that have to do with Modify. Or Milk. Milk is always a good focal point.)
1. Make more lists.
2. Read those lists.
3. Figure out which university is bigger than UCF.
4. (Hint: It’s not Texas.)
5. Drink more milk — Osteoporosis sucks.
6. But not too much milk, kidney stones aren’t fun either.
7. Stop checking the time of day on your phone…
8. Wear more watches; we feel like 2014 is a watch year.
9. Wear more sunscreen; we also feel like 2014 is a bad year for the ozone layer.
10. Watch more baseball. Or less baseball. We’re not trying to cause a fight, but we’re pretty positive that one of those is applicable.
11. Watch less Bravo. Unless you’re referring to Johnny Bravo. If that’s the case, then watch more Bravo.
12. Go buy a CD. Every time you download a torrent, a Motown backup singer loses her sequins.
13. Give a positive Yelp! review. Businesses appreciate that kind of stuff.
14. Join a gym.
15. Go to that gym.
16. For longer than three weeks.
17. And use more than the elliptical.
18. You could be the prodigal offspring of Chuck Norris and Wonder Woman and you’d still look dumb on an elliptical.
19. That last line item was more commentary than advice, but we felt it was necessary.
20. Stop eating fast food.
21. Start recycling.
22. Try quinoa.
23. Learn how to pronounce quinoa.
24. Buy a Mod.
25. Buy lots of Mods.
26. Buy at least two wristbands to go with those Mods.
27. Then tell your friends where you got that awesome watch that they’re constantly asking about.
28. Admit to yourself that you were, in fact, more of a Backstreet Boys kinda dude than an N’Sync kinda dude.
29. Forget the names of all the Backstreet Boys. Even Howie’s.
30. Eat more cranberry sauce. It’s just delicious.
31. Even in June. Let’s take cranberries back from November.
32. Speaking of cranberries, can 2014 be a comeback year for the Cranberries?
33. That was more of a question, we know, but still.
34. Wear more green. Amongst the secondary colors, green gets no burn.
35. Wear more yellow. So green doesn’t get jealous, duh.
36. We make watches in both green and yellow, so… Yeah. Easy fixes.
37. Get rid of your posters from college. Trust us.
38. Water. It’s not just for toilets. Drink more of it.
39. Coffee tastes better when brewed at exactly 202 °F.
40. But you’re wayyyyyyy too tired to care.
41. The coolest nicknames are ones that incorporate the use of the word “kid” somewhere in them. See: Say Hey Kid, Billy the Kid, The Kid, the Sundance Kid.
42. Watches go great with everything.
43. No exceptions.
44. Wear more watches. Seriously. No one ever regrets wearing a watch.
So, we hope you enjoy 2014, folks. And we hope this list helps. Modify, OUT.